I'm NOT that woman...

Each day I try to read at least one of the Proverbs (usually correlating with the date).

Today's read of Proverbs 31 was timed just right as I was a complete B to my husband last night.

Last night I got home early from work at 10pm. As I approached the back porch I could see Will sitting on the couch working hard on some very difficult homework; PhD level statistics I think.

The next thing I saw was the inside of the house; a complete disaster.

I walked in and all I could see was piles of smelly laundry (including dirty cloth diapers), toys all over the floors, food and dirty plates all over the kitchen.

I resolved to take a shower and work through the house one area at a time before I went to bed. Did I mention that I didn't even say "hi" or hug my husband?

I got out of the shower and started on the laundry. I grabbed an armful of wet soaker pads from Fiona's diapers (pee-eww!) and opened the washing machine. *******!!! A load full of mildewing clothes sat in my way. They had to be washed all over again before I could start the diapers.

Ok nevermind...I'll start on the toys.

So I got down on all fours and started picking up all the toys; not very quietly either. Will looked up from his homework and asked "Are you mad about something?" "NO" I replied quickly, and kept slamming toys back into their place.

Next was the kitchen. The dishwasher had to be unloaded and re-loaded. Plates are not quiet things to put back in the cupboard anyway... Will popped his head in the kitchen and asked "Are you purposely trying to make as much noise as possible?" My response? "You sure are asking for it tonight. You're on my last **** nerve."

Nothing else was spoken between the two of us the rest of the night. There wasn't even a kiss goodnight.

I felt like crap all night and dreamed about terrible things.

This morning Will gave me a kiss and said "I love you" before leaving to go to school at 5am.

When Fiona woke up at 7am I went into my sparkling clean kitchen (of guilt) to fetch her a sippy cup of milk. I opened the refrigerator and saw that Will had already pre-poured one for me, knowing that Fiona would need one (gulp).

Over and over again I've heard my pastor's praise their wives for being Godly loving women who seem to have never spoken an ill word. Apparently, I am just not that woman. I am not the Proverbs 31 woman...but I can still try, right?

I am so thankful that my husband is forgiving, loving, thoughtful, and hard working. If there was a Proverbs 31 man, he could be it...at least today. ;o)

What I'm even more thankful for is that Jesus has offered crazy filth-induced rage cleaners like me forgiveness and as many second chances as we need. He's also given us a great example of what we can strive to be as women in Proverbs 31.

An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
¹¹The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
¹²She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
¹³She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
¹⁴She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
¹⁵She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
¹⁶She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
¹⁸She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
²⁰She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
²¹She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
²²She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
²³Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
²⁴She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
²⁵ Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
²⁶She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
²⁷She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹"Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all."
³⁰ Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
³¹Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.

Love Thy Neighbor

I wish I could say that our neighborhood is "up and coming" or "in revitalization."

Since we moved in 2 years ago we've seen the neighborhood progressively change in good and bad ways.

The Good:
*The pack of stray pit-bulls seems to have dissipated somewhat.
*We've made new friends with our neighbors Hannah and Landon (yeah for playmates!)
*No one has ever stolen from our property (without being caught red-handed).
*We have a beautiful house on nearly 1 acre with a fenced in back yard for the dogs and a garden.
*Our neighbors Cynthia and Bernie are always watching.
*The daily snow-cone truck in the summer is a God-send when pregnant.

The Bad:
*The house down the road has gone from being a cute little yellow house being rented by a sweet old lady into a complete dump. There are over 16 cars/trucks/boats in the yard (of which only 2 work). There is also a perpetual yard-sale in the front yard; there are just piles of junk in the yard and a sign everyday that says "YARD SALE." My favorite part of their yard decoration is a big sign that says "You're making me known." Really? What does that even mean???
*The home across from us is now abandoned by its previous inhabitants. But he left the yard completely trashed, and his creditors are now showing up at our doorstep asking where he moved to.
*The home behind us is now being rented out by what appears to be a group of teenage boys???
*Last night I heard 6 semi-automatic handgun shots fired right outside our front yard. Not the first time I've heard it, but definitely the closest to home its ever been.

So why am I airing all of my grievances? Because I'm frustrated, yes. Because I'm tired of looking at all the crap strewn across our neighbor's yard, yes. Because I know them, and have made an effort as a Christian to "love thy neighbor"? No.

Today Fiona fell asleep in the van. I pulled up a chair and sat in the sunlight doing my Bible study while she finished (I specifically positioned my chair so I didn't have to look at our neighborhood). I opened to 1st John 4 and started reading.

To make things easy for you, let me summarize 1st John 4 - LOVE YOUR NEIGHBORS

Urgh! But I don't want to love my neighbors!!! I want to turn them into Wake County for ordinance violations!!! I want to have the Sheriff's department have permanent posting on our corner.

Why am I having such a hard time at this? I haven't even made the effort to walk to their houses and introduce myself.

Don't get me wrong. I have some friends in the neighborhood...friends that resemble, well, me.

But Jesus doesn't call us to LOVE only people that resemble us.

I discussed this with my husband Will tonight and he made a good point -

Will - "If you were at work, and one of our neighbors showed up, would you treat them any differently than any of your other patients?"
Me - "Of course not. Its my job to give all patients equal and excellent treatment."
Will - "As a Christian, what is your job?"

Gulp.

So I asked Will to help me pray and find a way to reach out and LOVE our neighbors. Not for me, but for Jesus. Because I want them to look into our lives and say "they're making Jesus known." Now that makes sense.